Overall, our family is in a much better place these days. However, I notice more and more days and even weeks, that are not turning out so well. Twice this week, Allen has gotten up in the morning to help get the kids out the door for school and then climbs back into bed the first chance he gets. I understand wanting to do this, the idea of it is what makes me get up everyday! I tell myself I must get up but after the boys are at school I can go back to bed. The difference is, I never do. When Allen does, we can kiss the whole day goodbye because getting him up again is next to impossible.
This has been going on now for several weeks. I kept telling myself that once he started taking his class this would change. He would have something to get up for, some motivation, something to look forward to. He loves his class. It makes him feel productive and alive. It did get better the first couple of weeks so I thought we were on the up and up again. Well, not so much. He's really struggling with the depression side of PTSD right now and I feel so helpless. Once again, I find myself not sure how much to push him, and how much to just let him be. After all, he is a grown man, and he deserves to be able to make these choices. He also deserves to be able to go back to bed if he's tired, once in a while. The problem is, I'm afraid it's becoming a habit. A more often than not kind of thing.
Thankfully, he sees his psychiatrist at the VA next week. There may be some medication changes coming which are also usually not a very fun time. However, we've been through much worse, and I know this is all just a part of the normal cycle of chronic PTSD. I also know that God is in control and has a plan for all of us. I find great comfort in that!